Monophobia

There are a huge range of mental illnesses and conditions, so much so that a considerable amount of people will suffer from one or another at some point in their lives.
You may have heard of one or more of the following:
Depression, manic depression, post natal depression, post traumatic stress disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, panic disorder, bi-polar disease and a huge array of phobias …
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“Monophobia is an acute fear of being alone and having to cope without a specific person, or perhaps any person, in close proximity. This ‘closeness’ might mean in the same house or flat or even in the same room”

Last week my husband went on a business trip to Belgium for 5 days … This is the longest we have been apart since before we got married …
Now, I am not saying that I suffer from monophobia – frankly I haven’t a clue… but I have a pretty big issue with being on my own …

My brother moved out when he was 17. At that age I was 9 1/2 and my mother worked split shifts in a restaurant so I was very often on my own at home … at night, on weekends, on holidays …
I have benefited from this in many ways – I was a pretty good cook from a young age, I could pretty much run a household consisting of me and my mother by the time I was 12. I am very organised, resourceful, independent
and I can speak up for myself.

I moved out when I was 19 – but although I was often alone I never actually lived by myself because I moved straight in with Craig – who not that much later became my husband.

In February 2008 Craig went away to China as part of a business project for 7 months and we were apart for 4 of those months – in that time I gained 2 stone in weight …

It is difficult to explain … and this is the reason I gave this article the title “monophobia” …
I have absolutely no problem coping by myself as such…
Last week the kids were in bed at the usual time every night, if not earlier. They were fed and bathed, the laundry and dishes were done and nothing in their routine had generally changed…
But what if I told you that for 4 nights I hardly slept, that I felt sick in the day and hardly managed to eat anything…
You might think me rather silly. After all – a week with two young children passes in the blink of an eye …

Let me tell you then that as a matter of fact I did think myself rather silly… Every rational fibre in my body was trying to tell me how stupid I was being…
And still I felt panicked … as though something awful might happen … and I breathed a huge sigh of relief when, come friday evening, Craig walked through the door safe and sound…
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Sometimes mental health issues get dismissed as make believe and the people who suffer from them are perceived as weak …
Maybe the person suffering is not being weak but desperately trying to be stronger than they can manage to be, for too long…

I am a perfectionist and I probably often set the bar far too high for myself …

We were out in the supermarked with a 22 hour old Sameth last year when a woman who had asked me how old my baby was told me off and said I should be at home in bed … She was probably right …

I am a worrier … I worry about anything and everything … all the time …

But my biggest Fear is being alone …

I dont mind having a fairly boring life …
I don’t mind having a very stressfull life …
I love my trinkets and bits and bobs and could spend a lot of money very quickly given half a chance…
I could live a life on a farm in the middle of nowhere without any personal possessions at all and be quite happy and content…
I would say that I could adapt to almost any circumstance I might find myself in … no matter how difficult or strange it might be …

As long as I dont have to be on my own …

Until next time …
ta da

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