Motherhood Dare

Motherhood dare …

“Motherhood dare! I accepted!
I was nominated to post a picture that makes me happy/proud to be a mum (Only one picture).
I’m going to tag some ladies that I think are fabulous mothers and can rise up to the challenge of posting a pic of their own.
If I’ve tagged you as one of the awesome mums, copy the text and paste it to your wall with a picture and tag more mums”

So I have seen this 4 times on my newsfeed today … there was a very similar thing like this around a while ago which required mothers to post 5 pictures …
urgh …

So this has annoyed me enough to write a blog …
I have been so busy being wrapped up in my pregnancy and new baby along with looking after my other two kids that I haven’t written a blog in aaaaages … but yes … I feel the need to write in response to this new “challenge” …

What is it with these challenges … where do they come from and why does everyone instantly feel compelled to join in ???
I’m fed up with the pretending, with the guilt, with the low self esteem…

I too post pictures of my kids and share snippets of my day on social media because when you are wrapped up in mum world you can loose yourself sometimes …
I used to wash my hair every day … I used to read books and have actual conversations with people about topics other than raising children … now … not so much …
so facebooking makes me feel like I am still in touch with an adult world … whether that makes sense or not I don’t care anymore …
I am done apologising, I am done trying so damn hard to be the perfect mother ….

No one is perfect – not a single one of us …

So if I were to share a picture that made me proud to be a mum then it would be a picture of my full laundry basket – full of DIRTY laundry – why ?
because thats what it’s about …
I love my children so bloody much I cannot even find words to explain !!! But some days I am exhaused and bored and annoyed and harassed … its just life …
dirty laundry means that we can afford to buy clothes in the first place, that we can afford the food that makes them dirty, that we have healthy kids who can play and get them dirty …
that makes me proud … the fact that we do ok …

Why motherhood challenges ?
what about the dads, the aunts and uncles, the grandparents, what about all the other identities that we all have …

I suffer from low self esteeem and depression, i’m not ashamed to admit that … it doesn’t make me a bad mother.
And some people will be surprised by that … I often get compliments about my children and I am an outgoing, confident person …

But …
I compare myself to others all the time and then I want to slap myself immediately afterwards for doing so because it does not matter … so what ?! … some mums are more patient, skinnier, better at crafts, take their kids to more playdates … but they are not perfect either, they have their own weaknesses … And all it does is make me feel like I am not good enough, it makes me feel guilty for my shortcomings and it devalues all the things that I do well on a daily basis.

I’m married, a stay at home mum, I breastfeed, I can bake and cook from scratch, my house is clean and tidy and I love reading to my children …
but i’m no better or worse than anyone else …
I shout at my kids when they are driving me up the walls, my tv is on cebeebies almost all day, I let my second born sleep on his tummy from when he was 3 weeks old becasue that was the only way anyone got any sleep at all …
My third baby has never slept in his cot at all – he sleeps in our bed … I pretend not to hear my two oldest when they are shouting at each other at the top of their lungs … I have days where I struggle to tear myself away from my phone “mummy is just reading something honey, just a minute…”
We are all human … everyone does things they are not proud of … especially us mothers – because there is so much pressure on us … all … the … time …

Motherhood is more than a picture posted because of some dare or challenge …

Motherhood is holding the puke bowl when your kid is sick, motherhood is sleeping upright in a chair with your colicky newborn, motherhood is looking at every damn worm on the schoolrun, motherhood is looking for mister ted under the bed at 3 am , motherhood is trying not to forget something in the shop while your toddler wants you to explain the universe to them, motherhood is eating leftover toastcrusts for breakfast and an entire bar of chocolate once the kids are in bed, motherhood is walking into a room and then trying to remember what you went in there for in the first place …
motherhood is messy and worrying and exhausing – motherhood is also rewarding and funny and liberating … but do we need some sort of award for it ? … women have been doing it for as long as humankind existed …

I am happy and so so so proud to be a mother but I dont need to post a picture to prove that … I have a friend who is a teacher and also suffers from a health condition … she is not a mother (yet) and her life is no less easy and no more difficult than mine … just different . We love and accept each other without judgement or expectations … we do not need to compare ourselves to each other because we are different from one another – and proud to be !
We need to stop taking ourselves and our lives so seriously … we are all but a tiny speck of dust in the vast vast vast realm of life … who cares if your baby is bottlefed or how many hours of screentime they are allowed … does it matter if someone “likes” a picture that makes you proud to be a mum or could it possibly be more important to go and hug them and tell them how proud you are instead ? Does it matter if someone “tags” you in a picture because they think you are a marvellous mum or does it not feel much better when your toddler is having a tantrum in a store but someone that walks by sais “we’ve all been there love… ” instead of judging you or rolling their eyes ?

I don’t really know why I am writing this .. it’s none of my business what other people post and i’m certainly not trying to tell anyone what they should or should not do … I just needed to get this off my chest I guess …

Motherhood is important … maybe it is the most important thing … after all – we all have mothers and every human life on this earth is affected by a mother in one way or another but I just feel that we need to recognise that motherhood comes in a million different colours – that it is not black and white and that it is impossible to display all of its facettes in just one picture … or 5 …

we are all proud, we are all good, we are all different, we are all worthy !

Mothers or not …

until next time …

ta da

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